No, things haven’t been good but at least I know now

A few weeks ago, I thought that the ‘not drinking’ category would have far more posts than the ‘drinking’ category. I was on a roll and things could only get better. The reality is that they are almost neck and neck. Over the last week I’ve been hitting it well.

There’s one reason for this and one reason alone

I’m shit scared.

The taxman. Bills to pay. My own ability to succeed.

Wot? Ability to succeed. I understand the first two, they’re probably good reasons to be scared. But afraid of success?

This us where I get into cod psychology, but it’s my story, I’m allowed to.

I’ve always doubted my ability to get things right. I’ve always had serious problems with self-confidence. I’ve always hated any type of criticism. So I’ve always run away from problems instead of confronting them. Drinking is my way of pretending those problems don’t exist.

I’m going to a conference today. Three and a half hours drive. In this country, that’s a longish way so it’s an overnight stay. The theme is thinking big. Thinking big about business. Success.

I’ve always struggled to stay driven and focussed, even though I’ve always tried. That’s why I drink. Deal with that and I’ve cracked the problem. I’ve shown myself recently what I can do. Carry on.