Drinking and working

The piano has been drinking…not me.

There have been many famous drunks that thrived on the odd hot toddy to drive there creative juices, Ernest Hemingway principal amongst them. I, unfortunately have never really been able to make that combination work. My creative juices work best when I’m at my most lucid. I spent a day yesterday working in the garden.. It was quiet, on a weekday there is very little ambient noise to interrupt me, so I just worked. Happily.

So it’s time for a period during not drinking again. It’s always easier to do when there’s absolutely no money in the bank or in my pocket. Even if that’s cheating.

I have an incentive this time. Financially, my world is crumble around me but I’m fighting back. I’m developing plans for the business and it feels like I’m getting somewhere. So why would I sabotage that? Quite.

And you lose weight as well

I had a nice surprise today. I weigh my lightest for more than 8 years. Only by fluke mind, I’ve made no effort to loose any weight. On the contrary, over the last couple of weeks the drinking has been as high as it’s ever been. I have no idea why it’s happening.

But I’m two days down with no booze again. Even though there’s trouble at mill at the moment – I had no dinner tonight – I felt no desire to have a drink even before the shit hit the fan. There’s two bottles of the wonderful Guinness Foreign Extra in the fridge but I had no desire to drink them.

I’m quite pleased about that…

A wobble? Possibly

I didn’t have a drink on Friday and I felt as though things were going well. Saturday and Sunday though haven’t been good. I’ve back to normal drinking patterns over the last couple of days. I was suffering from a few nerves and that may be the reason why. If it is, it’s probably not a good sign. Both Saturday and Sunday, I haven’t been feeling good.

I’ve been working a lot on the business, it’s edging towards being something good. That’s obviously the solution.

Exercise

Having got into my second week of not drinking (let’s not count Saturday’s pint), my thoughts are turning to exercise. I won’t go as far as describing it as sport, but I know I need to be moving my body around more than I do.

I’ve been pretty successful in the last 10 days so it seems logical to extend that and really get fit. the problem is that I’m a lazy bugger when it comes to moving about. Where are you Muse?

Back on the wagon

Well, I hardly fell of it, did I? After my wild one-pint debauchery last night, I didn’t even notice 6 o’clock chime let alone 7. I just carried carried on writing as if it was 3 in the afternoon. We’d spent the afternoon on the beach with the dog eating chips and ice cream, well, it has to be done. I find now that I just don’t want to have a drink. It would be almost a betrayal.

Is this becoming normal?

Well, it’s been almost a week and I haven’t touched a drop. I wasn’t tempted this evening. It’s Good Friday so like a Sunday and like the rest of the nation ended up with a spade in my hand. I suppose all that fresh air and exercise did me some good…

The main question is, what do I do now? Once I’ve achieved what I wanted to achieve, what do I do next?

Sport?

I was very tempted

Today hasn’t been particularly good day. The inspiration has been lacking, I’ve been messed around a bit by people and the tax man is being threatening again. The result was that I hardly got any work done.

Come 6 o’clock (that old difficult time again), I was seriously tempted by a cold beer. The problem is though that I know it wouldn’t have been just one. It would have been three. In the last few days I’ve come to appreciate the clear headed feeling, almost one of being in control.

I wonder sometimes what will happen when I do come off the wagon. How easy will it be to get back on it again? Will this feeling of well being sustain me? This is a feeling (OK, it’s only been five days, but in recent years that’s quite a record for me) that is giving me greater confidence. If I can crack this, then maybe I can crack the money problem.

Now there’s a thought.

Day 4

This is becoming easier. Afternoons working in the garden help I suppose. They lighten my mood perhaps. There’s also the fact that I’ve gained in confidence and self-belief in recent months. I’m more focussed on my aim of a six-figure turnover by next year. That means me earning something like 9 grand a month and doubling what I have now. But you know, I’m capable of it because I’m worth it and I give value.

I sometimes wonder what it will be like to have a drink again. That’s all part of the deal because I haven’t decided on complete severing. I’m quite enjoying this state and in the past I’ve felt quite guilty when I went back to it. I suppose that’s something I’ll have to manage when I come to it but I don’t think I’m going back just yet.

And what do you think Dr. Freud?

OK, I’ve been in therapy. Not for the first time mind, but this is the first time I’ve done it in my mother tongue. I’ve done it in French in the past and that was of great benefit, but this started out as therapy specifically about stopping drinking.

We’ve been a bit round the houses over the last few months but things seem to be coming to a head now. I was asked if I’d had a sense of loss when I was resisting yesterday evening. After all, Mr. Jack Daniels and many of his friends have been a crutch for me for a long time. I think I may have felt that. I was rejecting a friend that I’d had for a long time. And I felt guilty. What’s all that about?

It’s been three days now. Things weren’t nearly as difficult. A positive sign?

On we go

Well, two days now. Another day completed. It was difficult at my crucial time of between 6 and 7.30 mainly because I was feeling hungry. Very little lunch didn’t help. One thing the booze does, especially the beers, is reduce hunger. In normal circumstances I’d have cracked open the peanuts and sunk a couple of beers. As it is, I’ve got one of those hunger headaches I used to have as a kid.

Hey ho, a new sensation every day.